The Hardest Part - Saying Goodbye
What was a normal blue skied day has blackened. A tonne of bricks have fallen from the sky, shattering everything that was in to a million tiny pieces. All that surrounds you continues to move. At a standstill, watching the world move around you, there is nothing but silence. You are consumed by the feelings of guilt, anger, and denial. There is an overwhelming sensation of devastation, heart ache, and despondency. The need for one more cuddle. You ask yourself, why? I don’t want to lose you. I am not ready to say goodbye.
Not one part of having to say goodbye to your feline companion is ever easy. Grief is one of the hardest processes we must go through. It is a roller coaster filled with numerous emotions that pounce on you, in any place, at any time. There is no avoiding it, and there is no short cut. It is a trying process, and yet somehow you are meant to find it within yourself to just keep going. There is no timeframe. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. It is an individual process. They say time is a healer, but I don’t believe that you ever really heal, rather you learn to live with it.
Three weeks have passed since we said goodbye to our precious boy, Casper. Losing him completely turned my life upside down and left a huge hole that I am slowly learning to live with. The flood gates open every time that I sit down and look at photos. Sometimes it is over a song on the radio or staring at the back of the couch where he used to sleep. I have moments that make me smile, and others where I breakdown uncontrollably. Having lost both of my grandmothers in 2018, I can say that the pain I have felt losing Casper has been no different. It is just as raw, just as painful, just as soul destroying.
Anyone who disregards the pain and grief felt during the loss of a pet has not experienced the bond of unconditional love, devotion and the comfort that they bring into your life. It is no different to losing a human family member or friend. Never be afraid to talk openly and express how much you miss them. Surround yourself with people who understand what you are going through and are willing to listen. I am always only a call or message away.
I leave you with this little verse. It touched and warmed my heart and I can only hope that it does the same for you.
And God asked the feline spirit
Are you ready to come home?
Oh yes, quite so, replied the precious soul
And, as a cat, you know I am most able
To decide anything for myself.
Are you coming then? Asked God
Soon, replied the whiskered angel
But I must come slowly
For my human friends are troubled
For you see, they need me, quite certainly.
But don’t they understand? Asked God
That you’ll never leave them?
That your souls are intertwined, for all eternity?
That nothing is created or destroyed?
It just is… forever and ever and ever.
Eventually they will understand.
Replied the glorious cat
For I will whisper into their hearts
That I am always with them
I just am…. Forever and ever and ever.
Above: Photos of my precious boy Casper from March '12 through to May '19